Warren Ellis: Shut Up, Please

I said please.

So, here's the deal. Warren Ellis and I are about the same age. I kind of can relate to him...barely. (HE is a successful writer...ME? My strong suit is clearing copier jams.). I'm a cynical cranky fellow, ask my ex-wife. But I really need Warren to shut up. Warren's gonna ask me to unsubscribe from his mailing list and stop whining. I can't, Warren. Every blue moon, your fine BAD SIGNAL mailing list actually has news of interest. It's rare. Very rare for me, as Global Frequency was the last work to catch my interest. But I receive BAD SIGNAL e-mails as a member of the Silver Bullet Comic Books News e-mail address. If I unsubscribe, I take a whole news staff with me, Warren. Not your problem, I know.

But Warren, here's the thing. If I can delete your e-mails, I figure you have a delete button just as well. So, the next time you want to send a message ("Please stop sending me the two-headed cat newslink. I just received it for the two hundredth time. Thank you, my darlings." as he did a few days ago) to your whole mailing list, please reconsider.

Here's a few things, Warren. I have no idea what you're talking about. I think I sent you one e-mail, a few years back, in an interview that neither you nor I probably remember. I just don't e-mail you, Warren. And if I ran across some lame news item, the last thing I would think of doing is sending it to a person I barely know, who is seemingly always cranky when he (or his mailing list) e-mails me that is. I don't know you, Warren, but I know you're cranky. You may be British, but there's definitely some cranky involved as well. (And for the love of God, I don't think all Brits are cranky. Leave that to Americans. We own cranky.) I'm leaving you alone, Warren. (Except for this blog item of course). I wish your fan base knew you well enough to leave you alone with lame crap like two-headed cat items, so that you in turn would leave me alone except for news items of interest. I'll do my best to delete your e-mails, but I just feel the need to say shut up, Warren, because it seems you yourself don't know how to use your delete key.

Please don't complain about the level of e-mail you get, Warren. You sought success, you got it. I get spam, too. I'm not podcasting my plea. I ain't e-mailing you, Warren. I'm blogging you, oh guy who is probably being forwarded this crap (that I wrote) to read while you're sitting in a pub.

Actually, let me rephrase: "Warren Ellis fans, please shut up. Stop forwarding useless crap to Warren, so he'll stop sending me useless crap."

Failing that, Warren, please consider a separate mailing list called "Piss and Moan", a spinoff of BAD SIGNAL, in which on a weekly basis you remind people that the WEF will never return. I get that. I understand.

And no, I did not title this post "Warren Ellis: Shut Up, Please" to generate links and greater traffic for TGC. If that was what I sought, I would have titled it "I'm Pregnant With John Byrne's Retconned Illegitimate Child"

Now I brace myself for the e-mail "[BAD SIGNAL]: O'Shea Piss Off" or "[BAD SIGNAL]: Obscure Bloggers Not Worth My Time". What the hell, I deserve it.