Intervention

For numerous decades now, I have sat by and watched with passivity as the fledgling race of humanity has slowly built for itself an edifice cherishing all vocal idiocy within its populace and crowning its monstrosity with the title of Internets. As a member of the ancient race known as the Watchers it has long been my solemn duty only to observe and record but never to interfere. Certain recent events within the vast and garish tapestry of human communication known to you as the Internets, however, have provoked my broken silence and led me to realize that without my timely intervention at this present moment in your linear time -- for it will soon be much too late -- all of your young civilization upon the planet Earth may be brought to crumble.

I have seen limitless possibilities and alternate fates unfold across the fabric of space-time, and it is only with my somewhat divinely inherited responsibilities and calculated clairvoyance that I am privy to this warning of sorts; thus, I believe it rests lonesomely upon my shoulders now in vivid repsonsibility that I must act accordingly to alter the current track of this reality and, though I may risk my mantle and all that it means, blog about it. The consequences of such an act have not escaped my reasoning, and it is only for the greater good that I should dare to enter this reality you call the "blogosphere."

My message to you who listen is thus: that I have seen parallel realities in time and space where great cultures and planets have fallen due to the poetically cosmic trend among young rapidly advancing civilizations to once they have birthed a mighty interlink such as yours become steadily stupider and stupider as a direct result. Even now on this day of April the 1st on your Christian calendar, countless sources of formerly useful information have devolved quicker than even I expected, displaying messages of gibberish and clear falsity. I only ask that you abandon this doomed venture now, lest all you hold dear in your promising but conflicted race fall to ruin. I am the Watcher, and I have spoken.